So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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