i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
