dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
