Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
