I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
