i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
