i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
