I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
