He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Please don't give away my fajitas
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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