im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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