don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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