dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
