can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
