If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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