well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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