i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
