you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Randomize
