i may or may not be watching the land before time
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
