$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
