I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
