sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
