ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
