five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
