He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
