i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
