What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
