i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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