I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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