Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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