All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How does it feel to date your dad?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
