I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
