She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
