My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
