Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
