hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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