we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
