dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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