My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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