There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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