lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
