Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
