Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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