I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
