i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
