i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
