my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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