you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
