I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
