I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
