I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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