just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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