Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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