I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Randomize
