Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
